ugh

…I am so….flustered… It’s funny people tell me I’m so smart when so many others treat me like a complete idiot….ugh….i’m mad at the world and even more mad at myself for being mad at the world over stupid trivial things. There’s so much more going on why am I even thinking about myself? And there’s another thing… I’m always being told I’m too something and it’s always in contradiction of what others say.. I’m too selfish or i think about others too much. I don’t think enough i think too much i need to relax and i need to work harder. I don’t know what the h3ll to do anymore. Anyway back to being selfish…I am so sick of people not seeing ME. When people see me they see my brother’s lil sister or my father’s daughter, not ME. And there’s so much going on with everyone else that I just kind of fall into the background. I let it happen yet what’s so interesting going on with me? NOTHING. I hate this thinking about myself so much…or thinking so much at all…ugh…I’m so mad and sad all at the same time… I don’t know what to do..I don’t know if i should hit something or just break down and cry…I hate FEELING so much. I’ve had too much time on my hands lately…I need to do more so I don’t have to feel so much. It’s easier just feeling nothing at all and if i work more it’s easier to do. But lately they’ve been calling me off work more and I’m not keeping myself busy enough between the days when I do work. I need to get away…just go somewhere else for a little while….but there’s no where to go. Haha I’m dreading yet looking forward to work all at the same time.
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